What happens when you receive feedback you disagree with?
Do you get defensive?
Do you immediately start explaining yourself?
Do you question whether they understand the full picture?
Do you start questioning yourself?
Last month, I received some feedback from a mentor.
It was good feedback.
But if I’m being truthful, I didn’t agree with all of it.
As soon as I heard it, I could feel that little bit of angst inside of me.
Am I not good enough?
Am I doing something wrong?
Do they not see what I’m trying to do?
And that’s when I remembered something one of my college coaches taught me:
“Chew up the watermelon and spit out the seeds.”
The watermelon is the good stuff.
It’s the coaching. The wisdom. The perspective. The correction. It’s whatever you can take from the conversation that will help you get better.
The seeds are everything else.
The judgment you add to it.
The insecurity.
The overthinking.
The bruised ego.
The parts of the feedback that simply don’t apply.
Too often, we spend so much time chewing on the seeds that we miss the watermelon.
Here’s what I’ve learned: Being coachable doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything someone says.
It means you’re willing to listen long enough to determine if there’s something in what they’re saying that can make you better.
That’s the challenge.
Because when we disagree with feedback, our natural response is often to reject all of it.
But what if 80% doesn’t apply and 20% does?
Don’t throw away the 20% that could make you better because you disagree with the other 80%.
Take what’s useful.
Learn from it.
Apply it.
And spit out the rest.
YOUR PURSUIT OF GREATNESS
So, how do you get better at receiving feedback—especially when you don’t agree with all of it?
1. Listen Before You Defend
When you hear something you disagree with, your first instinct may be to explain yourself.
Fight that instinct.
You don’t have to immediately agree or disagree. Just listen.
Ask yourself:
“Is there anything in what they’re saying that could help me get better?”
Sometimes the lesson is buried underneath something you don’t agree with. Don’t let your need to defend yourself keep you from finding it.
2. Separate the Feedback From Your Identity
Feedback about something you did is not a declaration of who you are.
There’s a big difference between:
“I can get better at this.”
and
“I’m not good enough.”
One leads to growth.
The other leads to doubt.
Don’t allow constructive criticism about your performance to become destructive criticism of yourself.
You can need improvement and still be confident in who you are.
3. Consider the Source
Not every person’s feedback should carry the same weight.
When I receive feedback, I’ve learned to ask myself three questions:
Do they love me?
Do they care about me?
Do they have anything to gain from me doing what they’re asking me to do?
If the answer to the first two questions is yes, keep listening.
Then examine the third.
If they genuinely care about you, want to see you get better, and aren’t trying to manipulate you for their own benefit, don’t allow your ego to dismiss something you may need to hear.
That doesn’t mean they’re right about everything.
It means their feedback is worth considering.
The goal isn’t to become someone who agrees with every piece of feedback.
The goal is to become someone who can receive feedback without allowing your ego, insecurity, or emotions to keep you from growing.
Some of it will be watermelon.
Some of it will be seeds.
Your job is to know the difference.
Take the wisdom.
Take the coaching.
Take the correction.
Take whatever can help you get better.
And let go of the rest.
The next time you receive feedback you don’t agree with, don’t ask yourself, “Are they right or are they wrong?”
Ask yourself:
“What’s the watermelon in this?”
Chew it up.
Spit out the seeds.
And keep getting better.
